What am I afraid of?
For many years, I would’ve answered this question with “I’m not afraid of anything.”
Now, I think it would be easier to break this down a bit and determine what exactly does it mean to be afraid of something. First, you would have to define what fear, as a concept, is. I turned to my husband for this one, who cleverly distinguished fear from phobias. All of my life, I had thought of fears as phobias. I said I wasn’t afraid of anything, because I wasn’t afraid for my life, in a sense, like it would be if I had a phobia. My actual fears, however, don’t seem very logical or reasonable. I’m a pretty logical person in general and I can mostly keep my cool and calm by working things out logically in my head. I always consider statistics, likelihood of events and previous experiences when it comes to something that could possibly be a fear or a phobia.
In all honesty, my fears are pretty lame:
- Moths – They fly in such uncontrollable manner, I’m literally afraid of having one hit me in the eye or something.
- Mold – It’s just gross. According to my husband, my reaction towards mold could be considered a fear. I don’t want to touch it. Same goes for rotten fruit. Oh god yes.
- Newspapers – I just hate the material and I don’t want to touch them. I know they pose no danger to me, but I guess this is also considered a fear. Or at least an ick.
- Cardboard boxes – Not really the feeling of them, but the sound they make when the parts of the box rub together in a certain fashion… hrrr.
- Rocking chairs – I’ve never fallen over on one, but I just can’t bring myself to sit in those as I’m convinced I’m going to just instantly fly backwards.
- Elevators – Not in the way that you might think. I’m not really afraid of getting stuck in one or it falling down (as I logic that especially the latter is very unlikely to ever happen and I always carry my phone with me, so getting stuck wouldn’t be so bad), but I’m afraid that one day I might end up in a situation where I’m on the outside of the elevator and the dog is inside of it and someone summons the elevator up or down, with the leash in between the doors… Which is why I’m very paranoid about entering an exiting the elevator with my dog. This is also my husband’s fear these days.
- Suffocating – This is one of my “proper” fears, in the sense that it’s life-threatening to me. I have asthma and as such, this fear always raises its ugly head during a severe cold or infection or some such. It doesn’t help that I often wake up gasping for air (guess I forget to breathe?) and whenever I die in a dream (which hasn’t happened in ages), I die by drowning. Interesting.
- Sickness – Life changing sickness of any kind. (I don’t count asthma in this.) I’m not afraid of death, there’s no point, it eventually comes for all and it’s pretty final. (Granted that I believe in reincarnation.)
- Falling behind on bills – My husband categorizes this as a fear in my case. I always keep paying my bills as soon as they come, but if it happens that I can’t… oh no.